She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
