Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
