then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
