My room smells like vodka and shame
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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