new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
