Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I cockslap morals
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
