from now on my penis is your penis
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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