Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize