If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
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