Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
