I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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