these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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