You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize