I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
