you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
