her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
