She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
