my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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