The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
