He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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