She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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