it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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