wat bout pragnant strippers??
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
