He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
