she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I could make wine with my vomit
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
