you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
