fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
