The maid of honor just puked.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
