you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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