You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We had sex on a dog bed..
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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