sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
