hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
