k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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