he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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