The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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