At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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