i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
