Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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