No, drunk sperm still make babies.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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