P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
