I think I died a long time ago.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
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