Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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