like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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