Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
