I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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