Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
how does that bad decision feel?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
