don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
