I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
