The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
