So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
