I'm jealous of your bromance
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
