god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
