how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize