were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
