I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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