He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
