I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I didn't notice because vodka
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
