Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
