that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize