Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
