My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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