We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm just crazy horny about you
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
