Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
