I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize