I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
